Personal Boundaries Self-Evaluation

If you play a sport, you know the rules and when you have broken them.  But do you know what your own personal rules or boundaries are?  When you are self-aware and are able to communicate this to others, it allows others to know what you expect from them and it shows respect for yourself.

Physical Boundaries

1.      Clothing: How much of your body do you allow others to see?

2.      Personal space: How much space do you need between yourself and others?

3.      Sounds: How loud of sound will you tolerate?  Do you let others shout at you?  Is it acceptable for others to swear in your presence?  What types of music will you listen to?

4.      Housing: If a door is closed, do you expect someone to knock before entering?  Who do you allow in your home, when, and for how long?  How clean or cluttered do you expect your home to be?

5.      Touch: Who can hug you?  Who can kiss you? Who can hold your hand?  What parts of your body do you not allow others to touch?

6.      Food: How do you expect your food to be prepared?  What food will you eat?  What food or preparation methods will you not accept?

7.      Belongings:  Do you lend money, possessions, or time to others?  If so, to whom, for what reasons, and for how long?

8.      Scents: What perfumes will you tolerate?  What cleaning products will you tolerate?

9.      Visual: Do you allow yourself to see violence or nudity?  If so, under what circumstances?

Social-Emotional Boundaries

1.      Personal life: Who will you discuss your relationships with?  Who will you discuss health problems with?  Who is allowed to know your income?  How do you handle nosy questions?

2.      Mood: What do you do with other people’s emotions?  Can you identify a toxic relationship?  How do you respond to criticism, lying, gossip, shaming, manipulation, domineering behavior, or argumentative behavior?

3.      Plans, goals, and dreams: Who will you share your plans, goals, and dreams with?

4.      Personal responsibility: Do you know what you are responsible for?  Do you say no to people who ask too much of you?

5.      Personal safety: Do you keep your address, date of birth, relatives, vacations, daily work schedule, work location, and phone number private?  Who will you share them with?

6.      Communication: Who is allowed to call you and when?  What will you share on social media?

Emotional Signs of Boundary Crossing

1.      Uncomfortable

2.      Angry

3.      Used

4.      Abused

5.      Ashamed

6.      Suspicious

Boundary Self-Evaluation

1.      What happened?

2.      When does it happen?

3.      Where does it happen?

4.      How often does it happen?

5.      How much does it happen?

6.      With whom does it happen?

7.      What feeling is my body communicating?

8.      What is the boundary?

Sample Boundary Statements

1.      It is not ok to _____.

2.      I walk away when _____.

3.      I feel _____ when you _____.  I would like for you to _____.

4.      I don’t like it when you _____.

5.      If you continue to _____, I will _____.

6.      I do not _____.  I would like _____ instead.

7.      I do not respond when you _____.

8.      I say no when _____.

9.      I do not allow _____.

10.  I like _____.

11.  I choose to _____.

12.  I have the right to _____.

13.  I believe in _____.

14.  I value _____.

15.  I am not responsible for _____.

16.  I like it when you _____.